Am I Being Punked?

I think God gave every one of us a cell phone, we just dropped it.

~Sylvia Browne

All of us are tied to the cell phone industry, the required toys for everyone.

So, what had happened was that my 26-month-old cell phone was doing crazy things so I decided to grab the box of old cell phones from the shelf in the garage and head off to the cell phone store, you know one of those "authorized retailer" places. I put my name on the list and sat down, clutching the box of old phones while I watched the people. I got up, played with the demo models, sat down, tried to text, but was reminded that stupid phone was not working properly...waited for a representative to call my name. Finally, I hear it, "Ms. Boss Lady," and I get up to head toward the rep who looks to be cutting middle school, like a kid too young to have a job already. Anyway, we talk, he pulls up my account, and tells me that I can have any phone I want...duh? What does that mean? He goes on to say that my 17-year-account is in good standing. I sure hope so, I had to sell water bottles on the side of the road to pay the bill each month. I tell him that I want the second model from the left, something not too small with good memory as the info placquard reads. He says it is $999 and not to worry because I can pay it over 24 months. WTH? I showed him my box and told him to transfer my service to one of the .01 cent phones that I already own. I paid the penny and kept the service for the two-year contract! He then said that the current service was not compatible with my equipment. Whatever! I tell him that I want a compatible .01 cent phone, like they used to give me. He pops some junk about them not offering "free" phones anymore. Is he slow? I paid for every one of my old phones! I know every phone in my box works and this newest phone just died on me. He gets a manager. The manager then tells me that they only sell phones now, but offer 24 easy payments for qualified customers like me. I want a .01 cent phone and a 24-month contract, so I pulled out my penny and sat it on the counter. "Do you want to charge my account the activation fee since I am such a valued customer," I ask. This nice manager explains that every phone in the store is for sale, recommended I buy insurance too in case I drop it and offers that it's the only way to get new equipment from them. Oh my, when the hell did cell phones go from being one cent to one thousand dollars. Ain't this some shit? 

~The Boss Lady

Addendum:

I am paying for my new super-fabulous, great picture taking, 1 terabite having, active emoji making, sleek cell phone over the next 24 months. But, guess what? As I walked out of the store with two for the price of one, I could not help but be thankful that they will not get over on me next time because I have an additional cell phone that was a gift from God. And, I still own a box of old cell phones, including my awesome Blackberry!

Do It Yourselfers

I know many of you are skilled at "do it yourself" projects, but it is never, not ever, ever, ever advisable to make your own toys or to use fruits and vegetables as insertion devices. 

~Delicious 

What are those C or U shaped things?

Well, Celine from Metairie, LA, "those C or U shaped things" are couple's vibrators. A woman can use it alone (even while vacuuming) or with her partner. They are designed to gently hold the front vaginal wall to provide clitoral and G-spot arousal as well as offering stimulation to the penis when worn during intercourse. So, the woman is dually stimulated while the couple is mutually pleasured.  

These couple's vibrators come with all kinds of bells and whistles, like speeds ranging from three to 10 settings, various vibration patterns with some that can be musically controlled, USB recharging capability, remote controls, and even SMART ones (they connect to a phone app, allowing couples to play when they are not in the same location as long as both have an internet connection).  

If you are ready to go shop for one, here are some considerations. First, you get what you pay for so, don't just buy anything. You are going to have this touching your skin, so choose a toy made from body-safe silicone. Go into a store and feel the textures so you know what you are purchasing. Second, make sure to purchase a water based, toy-safe lubricant for use with your toy. Third, you will need antibacterial toy cleaner. You can get one in spray or foam, whichever is your choice. Lastly, if your toy does not come with a case or pouch, consider getting one for it. Your toy may want to travel with you sometimes.  

Thank you for your question. I hope this helps.  

~The Boss Lady

Let's Talk About Toys

Do you use a rabbit vibrator, get down with an oral sex simulator, have a g-spot vibrator, invite your partner when you use a couples' internal vibrator or enjoy the pleasure of a triple stimulator? Whatever your pleasure, toys can start, enhance or be an entire sexual experience, so don't sleep on sexy electronics!

~The Boss Lady

Comments

The funny thing is, in about 18 months both sleek phones will become infected with cell phone tisick and you will have to do this all over again🤣🤔

OMG...I'm LOL, Henna C.! If they don't get infected with tisick, it will be because the AI's are spying.