I think God gave every one of us a cell phone, we just dropped it.

~Sylvia Browne

All of us are tied to the cell phone industry, the required toys for everyone.

So, what had happened was that my 26-month-old cell phone was doing crazy things so I decided to grab the box of old cell phones from the shelf in the garage and head off to the cell phone store, you know one of those "authorized retailer" places. I put my name on the list and sat down, clutching the box of old phones while I watched the people. I got up, played with the demo models, sat down, tried to text, but was reminded that stupid phone was not working properly...waited for a representative to call my name. Finally, I hear it, "Ms. Boss Lady," and I get up to head toward the rep who looks to be cutting middle school, like a kid too young to have a job already. Anyway, we talk, he pulls up my account, and tells me that I can have any phone I want...duh? What does that mean? He goes on to say that my 17-year-account is in good standing. I sure hope so, I had to sell water bottles on the side of the road to pay the bill each month. I tell him that I want the second model from the left, something not too small with good memory as the info placquard reads. He says it is $999 and not to worry because I can pay it over 24 months. WTH? I showed him my box and told him to transfer my service to one of the .01 cent phones that I already own. I paid the penny and kept the service for the two-year contract! He then said that the current service was not compatible with my equipment. Whatever! I tell him that I want a compatible .01 cent phone, like they used to give me. He pops some junk about them not offering "free" phones anymore. Is he slow? I paid for every one of my old phones! I know every phone in my box works and this newest phone just died on me. He gets a manager. The manager then tells me that they only sell phones now, but offer 24 easy payments for qualified customers like me. I want a .01 cent phone and a 24-month contract, so I pulled out my penny and sat it on the counter. "Do you want to charge my account the activation fee since I am such a valued customer," I ask. This nice manager explains that every phone in the store is for sale, recommended I buy insurance too in case I drop it and offers that it's the only way to get new equipment from them. Oh my, when the hell did cell phones go from being one cent to one thousand dollars. Ain't this some shit? 

~The Boss Lady

Addendum:

I am paying for my new super-fabulous, great picture taking, 1 terabite having, active emoji making, sleek cell phone over the next 24 months. But, guess what? As I walked out of the store with two for the price of one, I could not help but be thankful that they will not get over on me next time because I have an additional cell phone that was a gift from God. And, I still own a box of old cell phones, including my awesome Blackberry!

Do you use a rabbit vibrator, get down with an oral sex simulator, have a g-spot vibrator, invite your partner when you use a couples' internal vibrator or enjoy the pleasure of a triple stimulator? Whatever your pleasure, toys can start, enhance or be an entire sexual experience, so don't sleep on sexy electronics!

~The Boss Lady